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There's something strange about this soap, but I can't quite put my finger on it... - Matty Malaprop

Whether in the bathroom or in life in general, courtesy is always king (-high, or Ace high in the most ideal of circumstances). - Matty Malaprop

Before you even ask; yes, he high-fived first. - Matty Malaprop

With hands as plucky as his, it's a wonder he was ever able to scribble a signature at all! - Matty Malaprop

... but not a variety I'd like to wash up with any time soon, thankyouverymuch. #SOCREEPY #THEYLOOKLIKEDOLLHANDS - Matty Malaprop

My guess is that they were only trying to lend Christopher a helping hand, though something tells me he's perfectly capable of handling the situation himself. - Matty Malaprop

Wait... are you trying to tell me that song isn't about delicious pork-based noms? That's just crazy talk! - Matty Malaprop

Quite frankly I'm not convinced he didn't just take the job in hopes of scoring some discounted Tinkerbells. - Matty Malaprop

Yes, yes, I did just use "turtleneck" as an innuendo. YOU WANNA MAKE SOMETHING OF IT, PUNK?? - Matty Malaprop