Seriously? Gotye in late December? That is just so incredibly passé. - Matty Malaprop

You know, a "whole lot" is just slightly less than a ton, but still considerably more than "a fair amount." MATHEMATICS! - Matty Malaprop

Seriously, all the world's finest samurye train at the bushidough. - Matty Malaprop

♪ I want you to want me / I need you to knead me / I'd love you to loaf me / I'm begging you to bake me / I want you to want me / I need you to knead me / I'd love you to loaf me / I'll shine up a rolling pin / lay out a fresh-washed pan / I'll wait for you after work if you say that you'll loaf me / Didn't you, didn't you, didn't you see me risin'? / Didn't you, didn't you, didn't you see me risin'? / Hoping to god you won't be usin' that stove for fryin' / Didn't you, didn't you, didn't you see me risin'? ♪ - Matty Malaprop

After reading this groan-worthy pizza puns, I really feel like I could use a margherita. - Matty Malaprop

Whenever I receive a submission that features a joke as old as the interweb itself, I feel like the yeast I can do is front page it with some appropriately derisive and catty commentary. - Matty Malaprop