... because I'm going to PuNCH you in the teeth. - Matty Malaprop

Next time you start bleeding while surfing, all you'll need to make it back to shore alive is a full-body seal costume and a simple splint. #THEMOREYOUKNOW #RAINBOW - Matty Malaprop

Electricity may seem like a screwy concept to the scientifically disinclined, but hey, at least it powers your apartment! - Matty Malaprop

He may be able to see now at least, but he'll still never overcome the social astigmatism attached to flip-phones in this day and age. - Matty Malaprop

Further proof that you should be wary of anything that could possibly be classified as "silent but deadly." - Matty Malaprop

Today we're going to be talking about the important differences between upper and lower cases, but I promise you I'm going to keep this lecture brief. - Matty Malaprop

They ain't no Kangaroo Cranes, but they'll do in a pinch I suppose.