Where art thou Summer?

Winter is coming!

If a genie were to pop out of a bottle and approach me, floating just far enough so that they would not be 'in my personal space', I would gladly ask for my three wishes, and one of those would certainly be to completely erase my commute, or rather, rip my office building out of the ground and place it right on my neighbor's house. That way, I get 2 birds with one stone. Karen, you know you deserve it. Ever since it began getting dark at like, 4 pm, my good mood has taken a nosedive, and even t…

Freezingly funny memes

Memes that reign soupreme

Crispy cold collection of memes

Get that ketchup away from my hot dog

It's chilly in here

It's difficult for me to tell when something is unique to the midwest or if it's something everybody does. Sure, vocal tics like "ope" are stereotypically midwestern, but I find it hard to believe this is solely a feature of that region. I don't think I'd be laughed out of the room in New York or Texas if I said, “I'm just going to squeeze right past you,” but most non-midwesterners would opt for a simple, “excuse me" (or “pardon me” in Texas). One thing that I cannot stand by is the assertion…

I'm a Goofy Goober , yeah! You're a Goofy Goober, yeah! We're all Goofy Goobers, yeah! Goofy goofy, goober goober, yeah! If you've never wanted to go to the Nut Bar from The Spongebob Squarepants Movie and get yourself one of those sundaes with faces, I don't get you. That iconic 2004 movie was the perfect case study for why being a goofy goober is better than being a Squidward. Goofy gooberism was the force that allowed Spongebob and Patrick to ultimately defeat Plankton and his mind-controlli…

Why Punxsutawney Phil? Why?

It's finally time for teachers to take a load off. It seems like this semester has been rough for everyone, and every teacher who taught this fall needs a well-deserved break to catch up on their sleep. So many people give teachers crap about having a summer and a winter break . They think that because their office job is all year long, they must work harder than anyone who gets a considerable period of time off. What those people don't know is that teachers have to spend a lot of their breaks…

It can be tough

Winter sports can be an exercise in humiliation. If you get into them too late, you can very easily be one-upped by 6-year-olds at a skating rink or ski slope. I ice skated for the first time in my life last year, and I was pleasantly surprised that it was so functionally similar to rollerblading. I could glide easily by the end of my first hour of skating. I don't think I will become Kristi Yamaguchi as a 23-year-old novice, but it's nice to know that I can pick up new skills, especially new a…

You've trained all year for this moment.

Oh, Canada! It might not be my home and patriot land, but it is glorious and free! On behalf of all Americans, I'd like to apologize to the Canadian public for what South Park has done to your people. I've done my research, and I'm now confident that South Park's depiction of Canadians as beady-eyed, flapping-headed people is nothing but hearsay. Even though I will be a Terrance and Phillip stan until I die and defend Terrance and Phillip in Not Without My Anus till the cows come home, I unders…