"We haven't taken him yet. She knew that."

He put his foot down

Yikes

Get out and stay out

The photo turned out great, BTW.

He's not to be trusted

She'll stop at nothing

It's her or the iPad

He's not the sharpest knife in the drawer

Hallmark movies are awesome . They're hilariously, reliably formulaic. They have stilted acting and even more stilted dialogue. They have names like “The Other Christmas Wife” or “Winter Is For Loving, and Christmas." They're my favorite thing to watch when I'm in a hotel room. Nothing hits like a terrible movie and a room service BLT. My mom and I play a game we invented whenever we watch Hallmark movies together: we pause it 15 minutes in and each take a turn saying what we think is going to…

Everyone is entitled to their weird collecting habit, within reason. Some people collect stamps. Some collect Beanie Babies. Some folks collect Garfield memorabilia. Some collect fingernail clippings. Whatever your strange collection is, you're allowed to indulge, as long as (and this is the kicker) it doesn't interfere with anyone's happiness. If you're cohabitating with someone, you have to make sure your stuff is confined to your space. Nobody wants to live with someone whose apartment is li…

"I only went on this trip to spend time with my family who I rarely see."

If you eat, you pay

His delivery was all wrong

Gross, dude

The update we all expected