Summer days drifting away...

It feels kind of wrong to be bored on a beautiful day. But sometimes, the odds are stacked against you. Lately, at least here in beautiful New York City, allergy season is in full swing. This means that people are sneezing, tearing up, coughing, and feeling completely miserable wherever they go. I've personally been responsible for a cacophony of sniffles, sneezes, and nose-blowing in my open office plan, and lemme tell ya: I do not feel good about it. The fear of sneezing on a stranger, leakin…

Congratulations Internet users and abusers. You've made it through the weekend and are enjoying a Monday. While the best servers and bartenders have today off, us desk jockeys are left to gather up our last shreds of dignity and march our way into work, whether physically or mentally ( people who work from home ). To lessen my weekly pain, I, personally start Monday's work on Sunday. It's like microdosing misery, the kind of misery that leads to your own burnout and your boss' benefit. Easing m…

It's long been said that variety is the spice of life. If the sentiment is to believed, then the things we call memes are a spice level 5, like they refuse to serve me at the Thai restaurant. You see, if it exists, there are memes about it. We've covered everything from knitting memes to forklift operator memes , and those two incredibly specific subjects are teeny drops in a Texas-sized, meme-filled bucket. The memes we love are as varied as the people who make them, and if we start thinking a…

Like it or not, social media addiction is a 100% real affliction. And boy, are we afflicted. At the start of each day, I have dreams. Goals. Hopes. Wants. For example, I've been staring at Fernando Pessoa's The Book of Disquiet for months now. It's collecting dust on my bedside table, and yesterday I promised myself I would read at least a few of the poems. By the time I finished my work for the day, I was too brain-dead to even turn a page. That's where social media came in. Instead of reading…

Send it to that special someone

There's no way around it: Twitter's been a bit of a mess lately. Just last week they removed blue checks from anyone who isn't paying for Twitter Blue. Y'know, besides the likes of LeBron James , Dril, and Stephen King. It's a funny grift, and there were plenty of accounts having a field day with their new place as “normal” Twitter users. While we were kind of terrified about what our feed would look like after the axe fell ( Elon Musk said our For You pages would be all verified), we've still…

Maybe

Are you guys bored? I'm not bored! As a gross and hot David Thewlis once said in the Mike Leigh movie Naked : "Was I bored? No, I wasn't f*ckin' bored. I'm never bored. That's the trouble with everybody - you're all so bored. You've had nature explained to you and you're bored with it, you've had the living body explained to you and you're bored with it, you've had the universe explained to you and you're bored with it." As angsty and Gen X as that statement is, I can't help but agree with it.…

Use your five minutes wisely!

There's no way around it: Twitter has a tendency to feel like a Speaker's Corner on meth or maybe Adderall or Vyvanse. There are just so many inane thoughts being boldly flung into the Twitterverse at any given moment. The political rants, the TMI moments from oversharing individuals, the banal stories from bad or annoying mothers. That said, the app can actually be delightful when you manage to block out the Twitter slush and enjoy the rare comedic gems. It's taken us many years to block the a…

Happy Monday, internet users and abusers. Twitter has always been a bit of a sh*tshow, to say the least, but since Elon Musk has gotten his corny mitts on the app, things only seem to be getting worse. Instead of seeing delightfully funny tidbits from Internet strangers, we're seeing a whole lot of garbage on our “For You” feeds. But has that dissuaded us from patching together a fabulous quilt of fresh and stupidly funny tweets for your scrolling pleasure? Hell no.

Heh

The best recent Tweets from the bird app

Five Six Seven Eight!

Silly silly silly!