It's that time of the year…the kids are out of school, and they are going hog wild . I do not envy parents who stay home with their kids three days before Christmas. Their little bodies can barely hold so much anticipation, which leads to a lot of frantic energy coming your way. This time of year can be highly stressful, and there are very few things that can calm down kids who are so excited about Santa Claus. At the same time, there is something so special about having a couple of weeks to sp…

Why does putting the kids to bed have to be an Olympic sport every dang time??

We've all seen those memes about the moment the edible hits and you're blasting off to outer space. But what if you took the edible without actually knowing it would have psychoactive, trip-inducing properties? As marijuana and even shrooms become legal in some places around the country, these substances are being packed into some tantalizing and sometimes confusing formats. Putting magic mushrooms into a chocolate bar may be a way to ingest them pleasantly, but as is the case with weed gummies…

To be a parent or to not be a parent. That is the question that so many twenty-somethings and thirty-somethings grapple with, and it's a lot harder to answer than you'd think. Of course, some people don't have a choice in whether they become parents. Babies sometimes just happen to people, and that's that. But for those with the privilege of family planning, it's all about the timing. Some people want to have kids as soon as possible, and some have to scramble toward the finish line, with the s…

2023 here we come!

Kids say the darndest things

As far as I can remember, I was a pretty easy kid to parent. All I wanted to do was to do good by the adults in my life, which, shockingly, doesn't make me the most rebellious kid. There are always exceptions to the “easy child” rule, and mine was during Christmastime of my 4th-grade year. I was hearing some rumblings at school about the realness of certain Christmas icons. I felt so angry at these rumors that I went to my dad several times and said, “everyone at school says Santa isn't real, b…

The brilliant minds of Yahoo Answers inspired one of the funniest viral videos asking a seemingly simple question : “Am I Pregant? Am I pragnent? Am i pargant? Am i gregnant? Am i pegnate?? Help!? Is there a possibly that i’m pegrent? Am I pregegant or am I okay? Could I be pregonate?How do I know if I’M prengan? Can i be pregnant???? Can u get pregnant...? Can u bleed while u are pergert? Can u down a 20 foot waterslide pegnat? How can i get my gf pragnet? What happen when get pergenat? How ca…

Sometimes you just have to allow your child to wreck the place so you can get a moment—don't worry, every parent has done it.

If you don't have a list on your phone with potential baby names for your future children, what are you even doing? At press time, I am kind of ambivalent about whether I want to have kids, but so help me God, if I come upon a child, I have the perfect name waiting in the woodwork. Having baby names with no intention of having children is kind of like wanting to get married because you want to throw a party. It's all of the fun with none of the hassle. Anyone who has actually raised a child kno…

Sweet memories?

You survived thanksgiving and deserve all the memes for it.

Adulting is hard.

Not to brag, but my parents are extremely rad. I know that not everyone has great relationships with their parents and that some of the readers of this piece might be orphans, but I, for one, am in neither of those camps. My dad is literally one of the funniest people I know. He is a master songwriter and has been singing and writing his original jingles for as long as I can remember. When I was a kid, I used to wake up at 5:30 in the morning to sit at the breakfast table and read the funnies w…

When I was in high school, I made enough money babysitting for 12 hours that I was able to buy illicit substances that will remain unnamed. Friends of mine saved thousands over the span of a year just taking care of rich peoples' children in their own neighborhoods. While I don't remember my exact wage, it was definitely at least $10 per hour. For a teenager in the early aughts, that was a pretty reasonable amount of money – just two dollars less than I made at a fish market in the summers. If…

Good parenting etiquette definitely includes being able to laugh at parenting things.