If you had a universal remote you were GOD.

I'm going to let you guys in on a little secret; I am not a parent. Despite this, my friends always tell me that they think I'd be a good mom . What does that say about me? I have no idea. My first theory is that I would be a good mom because I have incredible vibes, and I will pass those good vibes down through my bloodline. Hopefully, my good vibes won't skip a generation! Perhaps I would be one of those strict, no-nonsense parents that can't stop bragging about how their 3-year-old has never…

Such a beautiful name for a girl

If they don't know who sees dead people, then they're too young for you.

I can't imagine how difficult it must be to date as a blind person . I'm sure every hack has a hot take about who would date a blind person, and they're all pretty insulting. "This guy is so ugly; he could only pull a blind chick!" "Good thing he can't see her because if he could, he'd be in for a rude awakening." News flash: blind people are not clueless about the nuances of attractiveness just because they do not experience sight the same way sighted people do. Blindness does not make people…

Tell me if you've heard this one: "I'm going to have kids early so I can enjoy my 40s and 50s." Or what about this one: "I'm going to wait until I'm 30 to have a kid so I can enjoy my twenties." These lines of reasoning are predicated on the notion that having kids is not enjoyable and is something you want to be relieved of eventually or postpone. I have little qualification to speak on this: I am not a parent, and who knows what the future of parenthood will look like for me. But I hope that…

Favoritism is an issue a lot of kids deal with. I can't imagine how horrible it feels to feel like your parents care about one of your siblings more than you. For many of us, we can see areas where our parents might treat our siblings differently than they treated us, but outright favoritism is more rare and so much worse than passing inequities. The phenomenon can border on neglect when parents put the needs of one golden child over the black sheep child. This treatment causes resentment betwe…

Werner Herzog a** babies

Treat them right

Little kids are so funny. Based on my highly biased calculations, the average kid is 10x more comical than the average adult. Kids are blessed with the gift of comedy for multiple reasons. For one, they are given the freedom to be silly. Unfortunately for us adults, there are not a lot of opportunities to be goofballs in corporate America. If you're not silly at work, you have less time to be silly at home, which cuts down your daily silliness quota by at least 60%. Kids also aren't yet experts…

When I was a kid, I had to take a bath or a shower every day, a tradition I've continued throughout my life. When you're a kid, you get dirty quickly and must be washed often. As I scroll through parenting TikTok , I get increasingly disgusted with the hot takes about hygiene. The number of moms I've seen online talking about only showering their kids once or twice a month baffles me. Anyone who thinks having their kid run around all stinky is healthy for them is a fool. Some parents don't bath…

Happy New Year, Parents! I hope all parents reading this have had a great 2023 so far. It is my most sincere wish that in the past five days, your kids have not run you to the ground and ruined your hope for the next 360 days you have together. I know this wish is a tad unrealistic, but a girl can dream! The good thing about this time of the year is that kids are finally returning to school. The two weeks of holiday preparation, constant cleaning, and providing around-the-clock entertainment fo…

Howdy, and hey, parents! I hope you're having a good post-holidays week with your kids. I'm sure there's lots of playing with toys and hanging around going on, which sounds splendid. Luckily for y'all, the difficult part of the holidays is over! Now, all you have to do is put up with your kids for the next week or so before they head back to school. Piece of cake , right? Even if your holidays didn't go exactly how you planned, they could always go worse. You could be that mom who filmed her to…

If you've ever been in a “[CITY YOU LIVE IN] Moms Facebook Group” you know that they are some of the wildest places on the internet. They are crazier than Reddit. Some are even crazier than 4Chan. These platforms are cesspools for the most insane opinions regarding child rearing that you'll ever seen. At least 70% of these people don't want to bring their children within 50 feet of a doctors office for their entire lives. They tattle on and bully their neighbors for having the wrong color of di…

Mother & father of the year

It's that time of the year…the kids are out of school, and they are going hog wild . I do not envy parents who stay home with their kids three days before Christmas. Their little bodies can barely hold so much anticipation, which leads to a lot of frantic energy coming your way. This time of year can be highly stressful, and there are very few things that can calm down kids who are so excited about Santa Claus. At the same time, there is something so special about having a couple of weeks to sp…