Tell me if you've heard this one: "I'm going to have kids early so I can enjoy my 40s and 50s." Or what about this one: "I'm going to wait until I'm 30 to have a kid so I can enjoy my twenties." These lines of reasoning are predicated on the notion that having kids is not enjoyable and is something you want to be relieved of eventually or postpone. I have little qualification to speak on this: I am not a parent, and who knows what the future of parenthood will look like for me. But I hope that…

Little kids are so funny. Based on my highly biased calculations, the average kid is 10x more comical than the average adult. Kids are blessed with the gift of comedy for multiple reasons. For one, they are given the freedom to be silly. Unfortunately for us adults, there are not a lot of opportunities to be goofballs in corporate America. If you're not silly at work, you have less time to be silly at home, which cuts down your daily silliness quota by at least 60%. Kids also aren't yet experts…

There are good days and there are bad days. But the magic of being a human is that the simplest moments of joy can instantly transform the worst day into the best one. Just the other day I woke up emotionally feeling like a pile of garbage. It was one of those days where nothing went right—I locked myself out of my apartment and couldn't pay for a locksmith because earlier that morning, my bank called me letting me know that they'd noticed some fraudulent activity and had to freeze my account.…

Happy New Year, Parents! I hope all parents reading this have had a great 2023 so far. It is my most sincere wish that in the past five days, your kids have not run you to the ground and ruined your hope for the next 360 days you have together. I know this wish is a tad unrealistic, but a girl can dream! The good thing about this time of the year is that kids are finally returning to school. The two weeks of holiday preparation, constant cleaning, and providing around-the-clock entertainment fo…

Howdy, and hey, parents! I hope you're having a good post-holidays week with your kids. I'm sure there's lots of playing with toys and hanging around going on, which sounds splendid. Luckily for y'all, the difficult part of the holidays is over! Now, all you have to do is put up with your kids for the next week or so before they head back to school. Piece of cake , right? Even if your holidays didn't go exactly how you planned, they could always go worse. You could be that mom who filmed her to…

It's that time of the year…the kids are out of school, and they are going hog wild . I do not envy parents who stay home with their kids three days before Christmas. Their little bodies can barely hold so much anticipation, which leads to a lot of frantic energy coming your way. This time of year can be highly stressful, and there are very few things that can calm down kids who are so excited about Santa Claus. At the same time, there is something so special about having a couple of weeks to sp…

As far as I can remember, I was a pretty easy kid to parent. All I wanted to do was to do good by the adults in my life, which, shockingly, doesn't make me the most rebellious kid. There are always exceptions to the “easy child” rule, and mine was during Christmastime of my 4th-grade year. I was hearing some rumblings at school about the realness of certain Christmas icons. I felt so angry at these rumors that I went to my dad several times and said, “everyone at school says Santa isn't real, b…

If you don't have a list on your phone with potential baby names for your future children, what are you even doing? At press time, I am kind of ambivalent about whether I want to have kids, but so help me God, if I come upon a child, I have the perfect name waiting in the woodwork. Having baby names with no intention of having children is kind of like wanting to get married because you want to throw a party. It's all of the fun with none of the hassle. Anyone who has actually raised a child kno…

Happy Thanksgiving, parents! Today might not be the most leisurely parenting day of the year, but I believe you all will get through it. You're about to enter prime “threatening your kids with Santa” season, and I support you all the way. Nothing will whip a kid into shape better than their fear of the naughty list.

Not to brag, but my parents are extremely rad. I know that not everyone has great relationships with their parents and that some of the readers of this piece might be orphans, but I, for one, am in neither of those camps. My dad is literally one of the funniest people I know. He is a master songwriter and has been singing and writing his original jingles for as long as I can remember. When I was a kid, I used to wake up at 5:30 in the morning to sit at the breakfast table and read the funnies w…

One of the most prominent stereotypes about parents is that once someone has kids, something shifts in their brain that makes them feel like the most esoteric bearer of ancient, once unknown knowledge. They smugly remark on how different the world looks now that they've got kids, implying that they've got something far more important in their lives than anything a childless person could be doing. Although I understand how annoying this can be for those on the receiving end of these takes, I kin…

Twitter has been on a lot of people's minds these days. And that's saying something because it's always on our minds. But that's probably because we have been completely poisoned by the world wide web. ANYWAY. The reason that people are talking about Twitter is none other than Elon Musk , who has been stirring up all kinds of controversy since taking over Ye Olde Birde App. The site has been turned upside down between the mass firings and rumors about changes the billionaire is planning on maki…

Being a parent during the days following Halloween is an insane exercise in self-control. A bag or multiple bags of assorted candy is sitting dormant in your house at this very second. Surely, nobody would notice if you took one fun-sized Snickers bar , right? There's no way stealing some Dots would make you one of the worst parents in the world pertaining to the aftermath of Halloween. Parents out there make their kids give away all of their candy to the local dentist's office! There are paren…

Halloween is a difficult time to be a parent. One week, your kid wants to be a princess. The next week, they want to be a witch. By the time you get close to the 31st, they've come up with an idea for a costume so niche there is no way Spirit Halloween can provide it. Being a parent on Halloween is a difficult balance because you remember what it's like to be a kid on Halloween. You remember the struggle of your parents making you wear a winter coat over your costume, rendering the costume func…

One of the most interesting concepts I've learned about from being on the parenting side of social media is a little phenomenon called "mom shaming." Mom shaming occurs when someone criticizes a mom for how she chooses to raise her family. When I look at “mom shaming," I see it as a cyclical problem. We have moms posting

One of the things that uniquely strikes me about parenthood is the fact that you are wholly responsible for another human being. As it currently childless early 20s something, I can barely take care of myself let alone another living person. The thing that baffles me about parenthood is that you have to buy twice the amount of stuff then you would if you were just by yourself. If you’re going for a nice evening out at the Golden Corral, you have to buy a meal for yourself and for your child. To…