Plus: what's up with East 81st Street Deli?

There is nothing more humiliating in school than being dress coded. I remember being dress-coded by a teacher I once thought was my friend: the middle school theatre teacher. I soon learned that he was nothing of the sort. He made me change from simple black leggings into sweatpants from the 90s, and I was horrified. I don't know what changed in him, but one day he snapped and started ranting about the importance of the dress code and how we need to “dress our age.”

Twitter has a new main character this week, complete with a wild and unexpected backstory. I've found that most of the “Twiter Main Characters” tend to be parents who make mind-numbing decisions regarding raising their family. One of the most infamous of these characters is the Bean Dad, who sat idly by and watched his young daughter struggle to open a can of beans with a can opening for hours without helping her. Earlier this year, a parent described supporting their adopted kid's emotional ne…

I am nothing if not a Hedi Klum stan . I started watching Project Runway when I was about 7 years old, and it took me rewatching it this summer to realize that she was the perfect host. Something about Heidi's delivery of information to the designers, her German accent, and her charm makes her an absolute joy to watch onscreen. Unlike Nina Garcia and Michael Kors, she is not so bitter and critical, and she brought a level of fun to the judge's panel that was desperately needed. Heidi has always…

Time to put a Santa hat on that skeleton decoration.

“Since he's retired he hasn't had very much engineering to do… so he booby traps the packages…”

Last minute costume ideas?

Halloween is finally upon us , and you know what that means! It's time to speak to the manager about why it's on a Monday this year. Sure, having Halloween on a Monday, in some ways, makes the weekend longer, but you still have to go to work, don't you? A Thursday, I could accept. But a Monday? It's a disgrace. With the Halloweekend now gone, it's time to accept that the day itself will not be as iconic as what transpired this weekend. When you're a kid, Halloween is all leading up to this nigh…

“Most little girls choose princess, or barbie… Here's what my daughter chose.”

It was the original ‘Scream’ and she did exactly that…

Halloween is almost upon us, and as a thirty-something with low energy, I'm not as excited as I used to be. In the days of yore, I would get together with friends and start planning our costumes months in advance, down to our footwear. Whether or not we ended up looking good was another story, but my god - we were enthusiastic, and we were prepared. These days I'm left trying to find a two-hour window to fetch some facial hair from Spirit Halloween , and struggling to do so. It's a rough life.…

It's almost Halloween, so 'tis the season. Watch (and learn?) as “Doctor” Jordan Breeding uses Your Brain on Cracked to discuss the ubiquity of zombie strippers, google searches, old ass deer hitting cars, and head slides in horror movies.

My culture is not your costume!

King of the squashes

Not to brag, but I was the MVP of Halloween when I was a kid. My grandma, my mom, and I concocted costumes that could not be more legendary. Here's a master list of the costumes I did so that you will believe me: I was Arthur from the hit PBS series, The Monopoly Man, The Mona Lisa, Ursula The Sea Witch, Garfield The Cat, and a Cavewoman all in a row. Those were the costumes I wore from Kindergarten through 5th grade, and I had all hits and no misses. Even when I was a teenager, my Halloweens w…

The tarantula is my new sleep paralysis demon