It's time for memes

Memes make the world go 'round

Once again, it's meme time

Memes turn frowns upside-down

It's meme time

Life can be so dull if you forget to appreciate the little things. What is life without the simple pleasures, like touching grass or scrolling through dank memes ? Without a bit of fun now and again, the boring monotony of mundane tasks really start to get to you. Every day is the same crap—paying the bills, doing the laundry, cleaning your room, washing the dishes, prepping lunch for the week, going to work, clocking in, clocking out, taking your vitamins, doing your taxes, paying the rent, co…

Once upon a time, there was a grumpy old man who never had any fun on the internet. No matter how hard his kids tried to help him understand how to use email and Facebook, he just didn't get it, nor did he have any interest in trying to. “But dad,” his kids would say, “don't you want to like and comment on all the things we post about our lives?" “Hell no!” The old man would say to his kids. “Why would I do that when you can just tell me? I don't give a shit about where you went to go get pizza…

If parallel universes exist, then logically that means there's an alternate reality where memes don't exist, and everything is just varying shades of grey, and food tastes like ash. People look peculiarly ageless because there's no sunshine and no one ever laughs. In this grotesque alternate reality, the only form of entertainment that exists is a single channel on television, which only plays static, but people watch it anyway because there's nothing else to do. Why am I painting such a depres…

People come and go, but memes will always be there for you. When none of your pals can make it to your birthday party, memes will be there for you. When your coworkers forget to invite you to happy hour though you asked them a bunch of times if they were up to anything after work, memes will be there for you. When your girlfriend leaves you for some guy and then you tell your best friend and he confesses to you that “some guy” was him the whole time, memes will be there for you. When your paren…

Internet memes are the one part of the cultural zeitgeist that no one will ever be able to successfully make a fictional movie about. No matter how much they try, it will never work, kind of like how a New York Times think-piece about a viral meme will always feel ridiculous and awkward. It's like trying to explain why a joke is funny—you just end up butchering the punchline and looking like a dumbass. Just let memes be. Don't write anything profound or pretentious about memes. Don't talk about…

"People of the Internet! Of the world wide web! Of Reddit, of Instagram ! I see in your eyes the same fear that would take the heart of me. A day may come when men do not appreciate (or yearn for) Lord of the Rings memes, when sad souls on the Internet do not desire convenient humor, when Lord of the Rings marathons lose their comfort and appeal. But it is not this day. An hour of viruses and responsibilities, when the Age of Internet Nerds comes crashing down, but it is not this day! This day,…

Last Sunday I had my whole week planned out. I did all the laundry, stopped by the grocery store, and went home to food prep for the next several days. Kale salad for Monday. Spinach salad for Tuesday. Chicken salad sandwich for Wednesday. Pasta salad with a side of fruit salad for Thursday. Tuna salad on a Mediterranean salad for Friday. I know it sounds like a lot of salad, but I was determined to have a healthy week so that I could feel good about myself when that inevitable sloppy Saturday…

Memes aren't purely for entertainment. Memes serve many purposes. They're like little friends in your phone that cheer you up when you're feeling lonely or sad. They bring people closer together and they're a good excuse to DM a crush in a chill and non-committal way. The perfect meme will brighten up any group chat after an awkward silence. They're excellent for occupying dull moments you can't get out of, like waiting in a long line at the grocery store. If you're trying not to make eye-conta…

Story time. Many years ago, I won concert tickets to see the Red Hot Chili Peppers in Santa Monica after calling a radio station as a joke. What began as a modest prank turned into the best day of my life, for RHCP was my absolute favorite band in the world. There was only problem. I was 14 years old and couldn't drive. The concert venue was hundreds of miles away and my parents always forbade me from hitchhiking or talking to strangers, so I bought a train ticket. The morning of the long journ…

It's meme time

No one should be ashamed of their undying love for memes. Sure, sometimes it's good to go outside, take a walk, and maybe touch some grass. But there's no harm in blowing off steam with some dumb memes once in a while. Otherwise we'd all be moping around all the time, disappointed in ourselves for not being more "productive." Have a crapload of memes. You deserve it.