Hey, I'm talking to you. Yeah, you, smarty pants. I saw you across the bar, and I couldn't help but notice that your aura oozes intelligence. I am also an individual of the smart experience so I can easily perceive things like this. Let me guess, when you were in elementary school, you were often lauded as “above average.” Hey, so was I! Wasn't it so great being better than all of those average normie normal people? Those were the days. My senses are also telling me that as you've grown older,…

Do y'all remember when the concept of bacon was the biggest meme in the world? 2012 was truly a time to be alive: A time when memes were so simple that a popular food could dominate the landscape of popular memes for over a year. Now don't get me wrong, I like bacon. It's the only meat that I would miss if I followed the dietary restrictions put forth by the Old Testament. That being said, even as a meme-obsessed teen, I found the bacon thing to be a bit much. The bacon meme extended far beyond…

Twitter has been on a lot of people's minds these days. And that's saying something because it's always on our minds. But that's probably because we have been completely poisoned by the world wide web. ANYWAY. The reason that people are talking about Twitter is none other than Elon Musk , who has been stirring up all kinds of controversy since taking over Ye Olde Birde App. The site has been turned upside down between the mass firings and rumors about changes the billionaire is planning on maki…

Twitter has a new main character this week, complete with a wild and unexpected backstory. I've found that most of the “Twiter Main Characters” tend to be parents who make mind-numbing decisions regarding raising their family. One of the most infamous of these characters is the Bean Dad, who sat idly by and watched his young daughter struggle to open a can of beans with a can opening for hours without helping her. Earlier this year, a parent described supporting their adopted kid's emotional ne…

Halloween is finally upon us , and you know what that means! It's time to speak to the manager about why it's on a Monday this year. Sure, having Halloween on a Monday, in some ways, makes the weekend longer, but you still have to go to work, don't you? A Thursday, I could accept. But a Monday? It's a disgrace. With the Halloweekend now gone, it's time to accept that the day itself will not be as iconic as what transpired this weekend. When you're a kid, Halloween is all leading up to this nigh…

The candy that splits America

The local news : one of my favorite sources of misinformation. For the past 10 years (and honestly, probably even longer than that), every local news station in the country has recycled the same tired warnings about drugs or razor blades being snuck into their children's Halloween candy. They broadcast images of colorful candy-like substances and tell parents to watch out, as drug dealers are dead set on secretly imbuing these devilish substances into the bodies of innocents. Of course, this is…

You never know what's in there

Sometimes memes get so incomprehensible that you need to pull back layers and layers of context even to explain them to an outsider. Lisa Rinna M&M is one of those memes. This meme started with an Academy Awards advertising campaign from 2008, which features Real Housewives star Lisa Rinna and Joey Fatone on the red carpet rendered as horrifying M&Ms . Why are they M&Ms? Why do they look like that? Only God knows. This year, the Lisa Rinna M&M has begun to pop up in various memes on Twitter and…

Here we go again

This has to be the candy with the most deranged ad execs.