Hey, Michelle, I just thought of a way to tax sand!

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Barack Obama: Beating up fat guys since 2008

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TIMMY... DO YOUR FREAKING HOMEWORK

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I love the way they call it Obamacare when I don't.

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Look at all the fools who believe we actually care.

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I gave you our country. Can I at least get extra egg rolls?

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OBAMA

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I did not build that. Sebelius built that.

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And then you told them... No one won in the Shutdown deal!

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IMMIGRATION POLICY PROMISE "If you like your gardener, you can keep him."

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WHAT ABOUT BY LAYER, BY LAYER DONT WORRY ABOUT THAT sh*t, IM OUTTA HERE

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Your current policy? I know you think you understand what you thought I said but I'm not sure you realize that what you heard is not what I meant.

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Bend Over, Here It Comes, Again!

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YES ROSIE, EVEN I CAN BEAT YOU IN FANTASY FOOTBALL

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Mr. Ludacris

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hey girlfriend 'sup?

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