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Woman's entitled 40-something-year-old neighbor rattles her door whenever she uses an appliance, so she starts practicing opera: 'If he wants to play the noise game, I'll play.'
Guy attends ex-girlfriend's sister's wedding, guests get charged $75 per plate: 'Excuse me? [...] Is the pasta made of diamonds?!'
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32-year-old dad-to-be insists on naming his baby after a D&D character, refuses to compromise with wife who likes classic names: 'I don't want to name our child after a fictional character'
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11-year-old refuses to share PS5 with cousins while he stays at their place over summer, aunt and uncle refuse to put a TV in his room despite parents' demands: "You guys all know how screen time works at my house"
Bride's entire family RSVP's NO in solidarity with sister who was strongly urged not to attend the wedding due to her alternative style: "Prioritizing aesthetic over family is wild"
barack obama
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Barack Obama: Beating up fat guys since 2008
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TIMMY... DO YOUR FREAKING HOMEWORK
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I love the way they call it Obamacare when I don't.
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Look at all the fools who believe we actually care.
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I gave you our country. Can I at least get extra egg rolls?
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OBAMA
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I did not build that. Sebelius built that.
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And then you told them... No one won in the Shutdown deal!
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IMMIGRATION POLICY PROMISE "If you like your gardener, you can keep him."
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WHAT ABOUT BY LAYER, BY LAYER DONT WORRY ABOUT THAT sh*t, IM OUTTA HERE
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Your current policy? I know you think you understand what you thought I said but I'm not sure you realize that what you heard is not what I meant.
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YES ROSIE, EVEN I CAN BEAT YOU IN FANTASY FOOTBALL
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Mr. Ludacris
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Michelle: YOU DIDN'T ORDER LOW FAT!?
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