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But what if there is no spoon? Will Reese simply be ereesed from the annals of history? - Matty Malaprop

Look at your world, now back at ours. Sadly your world is not ours, but at least you can smell like our world! - Matty Malaprop

But for those who need it, it's a great way to put a frantic, aimless life into cruise control. - Matty Malaprop

Metrognome: For use establishing time signatures for short pieces of music only. Lovers of Wagner's "Der Ring des Nibelungen" should avoid purchasing this product at all costs. - Matty Malaprop

Wait... you mean you're NOT normally supposed to deride your significant others until they crey? I've been doing this whole "relationship" thing all wrong then... - Matty Malaprop

And for that matter, what about cantankeroustrees? Tenacioustrees? Do you just hate all things arboreal, or just pleasant ones in particular? - Matty Malaprop

Less well-known than the canonical archangles are their more shapely counterparts: Isosceles, Scalene and Equilateral. - Matty Malaprop

As a bearded person, I resent the notion that facial hair is "disgusting." This poster will be hairing from my lawers soon, rest assured. - Matty Malaprop

And in certain movies, he's even Willem Dableagent! - Matty Malaprop

You might recognize these two from their incredible work in such fantastic films as "The Good, the Bad and the Neutered" and "Purr Fiction." Truly they're artists of the highest pedigree. - Matty Malaprop

You can has moar funny animal capshunz ober heer!

How are we ever going to beat the Huns if our connections keep timing out!? - Matty Malaprop

I'm sorry... you seem to be implying there's a difference between the two? Have you NOT seen the Tim Burton Batman film? - Matty Malaprop

See what I did there? I made a joke making fun of Americans for being dumb and not reading. Aren't I just so clever????? - Matty Malaprop