shape

And by "'em" I mean the collective bladders of poker players the world over. - Matty Malaprop

You'll know your alarm is going off when you're pulled from your dreams by a blaring, obnoxious buzz. - Matty Malaprop

To be fair, that's a very large ice cube, so at least you'll get some good mileage out of it! - Matty Malaprop

... but not a variety I'd like to wash up with any time soon, thankyouverymuch. #SOCREEPY #THEYLOOKLIKEDOLLHANDS - Matty Malaprop

... that headline was supposed to be a play on "Use the Force, Luke!" WHAT KIND OF MONSTER HAVE I BECOME?? - Matty Malaprop

After all, we all know Jesus was betrayed by Judas because he really kneaded some dough. - Matty Malaprop

YES I'M AWARE IT'S AN EVERGREEN AND THE ASH IS DECIDUOUS BUT COME ON NOW DAT SPRUCE JUST SOUNDS SILLY IF YOU ASK ME. - Matty Malaprop

If you squint and look the other way, then yes, I suppose it is. - Matty Malaprop

Zebras, z-bras, Zaireekas... they're all the same thing, right? - Matty Malaprop

Some people thought Paranormal Snacktivity was a truly terrifying film, but honestly I found it to be a bit cheesy. - Matty Malaprop

See more funny food over at My Food Looks Funny!

Oh, Spongebob, your demographic impropriety always makes me rofl. - Matty Malaprop

You'd be surprised how sensical this is. The Fibonacci sequence actually acts as a very accurate measure of the way in which humans eat nachos. First you take one, then another one, then another two, then three, then five... and on and on until the plate is empty and you curl up in a fetal position and start weeping wondering what have you done with your life but more importantly WHAT HAVE YOU DONE WITH ALL THE DELICIOUS NACHOS. - Matty Malaprop