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Let's just hope none of them get married and subsequently die in battle, lest they end up having a widow they'll never go black to. - Matty Malaprop

I tend to try and keep my political opinions to myself, but I will say it's a sherbet that I'm voting for Obama this election. - Matty Malaprop

Fun fact: Pleated Jeans focus-grouped a more risqué punimal in the form of the womb-at, but it didn't resonate particularly well with his audience, so he cut it from his final version. - Matty Malaprop

I'm not trying to sound catty, but I really do think the Internet's obsession with this pun chain is just totally and completely a bunch of bull. - Matty Malaprop

Are you China be funny, you two? - Matty Malaprop

Social media at its best and worst on Failbook!

Poor Poe was never the same after his fiancée Annabel Lee's final, fatal encounter with his friend Tinky Winky. - Matty Malaprop

I don't particularly want to make a fart joke here, so I'll just point out that every post title on this site today has been longer than the title of each post posted before it. ISN'T THAT JUST SO INTERESTING? - Matty Malaprop

The internet grows and changes and evolves literally every second of every day... and yet somehow Harry Potter always remains king. - Matty Malaprop