horse

He got his start by touring in a desert, though that was before he had any kind of name in the business. - Matty Malaprop

Except, you know, this one doesn't spew sperm-esque babies from its abdomen, so I guess that makes it clearly superior? - Matty Malaprop

To respond to hongalabongala's original write-up: yes, this has been posted before, but I'm posting it again because ASSHORSES ARE NEVER NOT FUNNY. - Matty Malaprop

Oh wait, white bread actually isn't very good for you at all... SORRY INWHITEBREAD HORSE WE'RE GONNA HAVE TO TAKE YOU OUT BACK AND SHOOT YOU IN THE LEG NOW :((((((((((((( - Matty Malaprop

Some people find Ed's act repulsive, but I'd argue that in fact it's a work of shear genius. - Matty Malaprop

He may seem heartless and cold, but underneath the mask he's just a sad little ginger colt who only wants to be loved. - Matty Malaprop