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I just hope this intrepid cube doesn't melt under all the pressure. - Matty Malaprop

So here's the thing. This is a möbius strip. This is a Mobius Band. DON'T GET IT TWISTED (LOL LIKE A MOBIUS STRIP IS) GUYS! - Matty Malaprop

Or something like that. I WORK ON THE INTERNET. How the hell should I know what a court aide does? #TooLazyToGoogle - Matty Malaprop

But unlike post-its, breasticles are generally quite difficult to overlook. - Matty Malaprop

It's a touchy subject that's primarily communicated using various different yo' mama jokes. Unpleasant and awkward, to say the least. - Matty Malaprop

My family is French, so I'll put it another way. Ma famille est comme un derrière: serré. - Matty Malaprop

More cute cross-stitching over here!

I'm beginning to notice a theme in Whyatt's work... - Matty Malaprop

Source: Tim Whyatt

Too late, I already did! - Matty Malaprop

What a pear these two argumentative chaps make... - Matty Malaprop

First he was a space traveler, then he was an archaeologist, and soon he'll be a cowboy... but he'll always be HARRISON F*ING FORD. - Matty Malaprop

Given the age of Facebook at this point, I wouldn't exactly call Zuckerberg an entrepreneur. Maybe an entrepremiddleaged? - Matty Malaprop

No, seriously, is it? Because I'll totally shill out four bucks for a weak bottle of Teachers, and that sh*t ain't even good! - Matty Malaprop