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And to think, were it not for the lynx they established via his text messages, he would have gotten away with being a cheetah! - Matty Malaprop

But unlike post-its, breasticles are generally quite difficult to overlook. - Matty Malaprop

Yo Naga, I'mma let you finish, but Magic: The Gathering merfolk circa Lorwyn block were the best fish-people things of all time. OF ALL TIME! - Matty Malaprop

Or something like that. I WORK ON THE INTERNET. How the hell should I know what a court aide does? #TooLazyToGoogle - Matty Malaprop

No, seriously, is it? Because I'll totally shill out four bucks for a weak bottle of Teachers, and that sh*t ain't even good! - Matty Malaprop

Too late, I already did! - Matty Malaprop

Given the age of Facebook at this point, I wouldn't exactly call Zuckerberg an entrepreneur. Maybe an entrepremiddleaged? - Matty Malaprop

My family is French, so I'll put it another way. Ma famille est comme un derrière: serré. - Matty Malaprop

More cute cross-stitching over here!

What a pear these two argumentative chaps make... - Matty Malaprop

First he was a space traveler, then he was an archaeologist, and soon he'll be a cowboy... but he'll always be HARRISON F*ING FORD. - Matty Malaprop

I just hope this intrepid cube doesn't melt under all the pressure. - Matty Malaprop

Well sure, this pun is a bit of a stretch, but it's funny enough that I find that to be mostly irrelephant(seal). - Matty Malaprop

I'm beginning to notice a theme in Whyatt's work... - Matty Malaprop

Source: Tim Whyatt