Plant people are a special breed. It's true that I admire their ability to nurture and care for a living thing that doesn't wail, meow, or bark when hungry. But I have a bit of resentment toward them, too. It often seems like their money-spending habits (when it comes to their hobby) aren't publicly chided enough. Why is it irresponsible for me to spend all my “extra” money on food and clothes, but honorable for them to spend that same dough every weekend at the plant store? I call foul. As muc…

There, there

For many people, cartoons have been an important part of life. I was absolutely forbidden from watching them on our crappy 80's television, but that didn't stop me from sneaking downstairs at five in the morning to watch Sailor Moon at a very, very low volume. Instead of watching that magical anime series, my parents graciously allowed us to watch a whole lot of very antiquated Disney VHS tapes. These old Disney cartoons (some of them featuring mainstays such as Donald Duck and Goofy) relied on…

Let's be honest. You need a laugh; I need a laugh. We all need to laugh a little bit more. We can't keep rewatching the same three seasons of Strangers With Candy until we die to get the last few giggles out of our usually unamused husks of bodies. Laughter is a force of healing, and if we don't do it enough, we're going to shrivel up and die. There are only so many 22-minute comedies you can consume in one day, especially if you are a person of the employed persuasion. Those 22-minute comedies…

Dumb people who claim authority over everything

Fancy a slice? Pizza is one of the most famous American foods for a reason: it's just so diddly darn good. I personally love Chicago-style deep-dish pizza, but that's probably because I'm a crazy person. If you're not from Chi-town, you might be baffled by its unique design, having the sauce on top and the cheese on the bottom. It is way more decadent than any pizza in the world; One can liken it to eating a slice of sausage cake. Despite its richness, I respect the innovation and creativity of…

Pretty in pink? More like pretty insane.

It is wild that nearly every kid I knew wanted to be an animal scientist or a marine biologist when they grew up. I guess it makes sense since animals are one of the four interests children consistently have across generations: animals, books, sports, and pink. If you meet a kid that doesn't possess at least one of these interests, you have just met an individual in the 99th percentile of uniqueness. Kids and adults love animals, and I don't blame them. Animals love you unconditionally unless t…

Since the release of Minions: The Rise of Gru the titular yellow monsters have been on our minds more than usual. Minions have a deep and exciting culture explored throughout the Despicable Me and Minion Movie franchises. Minions are largely unrecognizable from any other earthly animal, which brings up a question that is both hilarious and macabre: could a person eat a minion? Now, this is not a new question. For years, people have been curious about the ethics and practicalities of gobbling up…

In rare instances, age gap discourse can be funny.

As an American who recently moved to the United Kingdom, a lot of the funny observations in this amusing Reddit thread about uniquely American things really resonated with me. For example, when someone asks me where I'm from, my first instinct is to say, “well I grew up in California, but I just moved from New York.” Whereas a European might simply respond with what country they're from. And I never realized that to many people outside the United States, certain Americans (especially New Yorker…

“Someone was literally being ripped to shreds and my dumba$s was teehee-heeing over the subtitles.”

I never wanted to play with corn more in my life.

It has recently come to my attention (difficult, ADHD ) that some of you actually read the dumb blurbs we compose for our random galleries. As surprised and slightly appalled as I am, I'm mostly honored, and kind of pleased. I now know that maybe we're not just shouting into the wind every day. This knowledge certainly opens up some opportunities. While it's true that every day can feel the same when we're grinding away to put out that sweet, sweet time-wasting material, it's good to know that…

There's a very specific camaraderie you develop when working in a restaurant/bar. People are actually relatively on point when they refer to working together as “being in the trenches.” When the rush comes around it's almost like you're put on autopilot. Swerving through the bus stations, screaming “Corner!” to prevent a terrible accident, and going back and forth from the table because they refuse to order their drinks at the same time. The stress of it all is pretty unparalleled - and if you'…

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