dating

In case you couldn't see the sarcasm in the title: no, it's really not the most romantic proposal ever. In fact, it's probably one of the worst. You're welcome.

Sexual consent is something that you should always get from your partner before you bang. But is an app really the best way to go about getting it?

For starters, talk about a moodkiller. "Here, before we go any further, let me have you complete this form on my phone. So hawt."

Second, if someone is "pretty wasted," as one of the app's sobriety options reads, are they going to truthfully report said sobriety while they're drunk, knowing full well that marking "pretty wasted" kills the consent process? If you're drunk and ready, you're drunk and ready, and your phone yapping at you saying that you don't give consent is only liable to piss you off, not stop what you're about to do.

Third, if one party does in fact revoke consent mid-sex, what are you doing to do? Pull out your phone again and change your answer from "I'm Good2Go" to "No, Thanks?"

Fourth, tying into the last point, what is the app actually meant to accomplish from a legal perspective? How is someone going to prove that they revoked consent when they originally put "I'm Good2Go" at the start of the encounter?

"You see, Your Honor, I know I said that I was Good2Go, but then I changed my mind and was Bad2Go like five minutes in!"

"Too bad! The app says you were Good2Go and that's it! Case closed!"

Last, but perhaps not least, I can barely type my lock screen password in while I'm drunk. Am I really going to be able choose consent, choose my (truthful) sobriety level, put in my phone number and create a password all as quickly as they claim you can? Unlikely.

All in all, sexual consent isn't just a good idea: it's mandatory. End of story. But bringing in a confusing app complete with phone numbers, passwords, and dubious legal authority might not be the best way to get it.

Plus it just ends up reminding me of this:

You can take the man out of middle school, but you can't take the middle school out of the man.

This is what being whipped looks like.