donald trump

According to the author's note, this book was written while the author was "really f**king drunk and in 4hrs." Writer Elijah Daniel tries to warn readers to stop and reevaluate their choices, but honestly, that just makes me want to read it more.

The Kindle preview of the story is as follows:

It all started one fateful afternoon in summer of 2012. I was working as a bellboy at the Trump Hotel in Hong Kong on an internship program. It was marvelous. I come from a very small farm town in Michigan, and this was my first time in a big city. I loved everything about it. It was all I could have ever dreamed of, and more. But little did I know, it was all about to change. I was stacking someone's tacky luggage when the door behind me swept open. My loins trembled as the scent of toupee adhesive and spray tan swept through my nasal cavity. I wanted nothing more than to turn around and see the golden god behind these scents, but I couldn't move. I was frozen. There was a tap on my shoulder, "young man" the voice said. I thought to myself "oh my god, could this be him?"

Oh boy, tell me more! Other particularly steamy excerpts include these gems:

"His voice wrapped around my body like queso around a smothered burrito."

and

"The only thing I knew was that I wanted to ride the elevator to the top of his Trump Tower."

I don't know about you, but I know what I'm doing when I get home tonight. The book costs only $1.99 on Amazon and promises to be an exciting romp that'll make your private time great again. Also, there's apparently a twist ending.

100% best part of the whole video right here: