MLB

No one told him when to go...

It's not just your imagination, folks.

Some of you may be wondering why I'm posting a Japanese baseball player who plays for a Canadian team on Americana, of all places. Well, to that, I can only say: I love Michael Jordan. You know Michael Jordan?

And by "best," I mean "worst."

Yep, the Cubs are gonna be that bad this season.

The term "sneak" is used liberally here; you don't actually do any sneaking. You're going straight through security, in full view of everyone!

To give you a frame of reference:

"Any drive over 400 feet is noteworthy. A blow of 450 feet shows exceptional power, as the majority of major league players are unable to hit a ball that far. Anything in the 500-foot range is genuinely historic."

And anything over 600 feet is a lie made by old-timey strongmen, print journalists, and radio announcers before home run distance was tracked as a statistic.

Surprisingly, Stanton didn't even make it to the final round, where Oakland A's OF Yoenis Cespedes claimed the Derby crown for the second year in a row.

Damn...