Most sharks aren't particularly picky about what they eat, but sometimes their limits are rather finite. - Matty Malaprop

Seriously though, what makes a guy just up and RAM another human being with a bulky, glass-laden object? - Matty Malaprop

This has long been my personal life rule... and look how I've turned out! #MaybeYouShouldn'tLiveThisWay #ButComeOnYouKnowYouWantTo - Matty Malaprop

A bit disturbing, but truthful all the same. - Matty Malaprop

Yo dawg, I heard you like needless hyper-literal disobedience... - Matty Malaprop

Next time you start bleeding while surfing, all you'll need to make it back to shore alive is a full-body seal costume and a simple splint. #THEMOREYOUKNOW #RAINBOW - Matty Malaprop

One of them murders innocent children and keeps your hands cozy and warm. The other is actually called a birdie and is loved by many many high school athletes in Hong Kong. The line's a little blurry, really. - Matty Malaprop