Never Leave the House Without One

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Never Leave the House Without One
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I've always preferred carrying a switch blade, but you can only dislocate your shoulder so many times before you start to feel it in the morning. - Matty Malaprop

Maybe You Should Shed That Title...

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Maybe You Should Shed That Title...
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I mean, I know in your glory days there was no other soul who could ply like you, but you seem to have gotten a little rusty with age... - Matty Malaprop

The Doctor's Tool of Choice

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The Doctor's Tool of Choice
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Makes sense. Every night I've spent screwing around with this tool has left me Absolutly confused the next morning and wondering Who the hell that person next to me is. - Matty Malaprop

I Think They're Still Upset About the Burnt Rubber...

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I Think They're Still Upset About the Burnt Rubber...
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I'm sure they'd settle for an Axel too, if you can't find any other alternatives. - Matty Malaprop

College Parties Are SO Predictable

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College Parties Are SO Predictable
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I just hope they don't get too plastered tonight, otherwise I have a feeling the bro who's hosting the party's gonna have to scrape 'em off of each other in the morning. - Matty Malaprop