Never Leave the House Without One

Favorite
arm,best,fire,firearm,literalism,self defense,tool
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I've always preferred carrying a switch blade, but you can only dislocate your shoulder so many times before you start to feel it in the morning. - Matty Malaprop

College Parties Are SO Predictable

Favorite
costume,double entendre,equation,hammer,hammered,innuendo,literalism,math,nailed,tool
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I just hope they don't get too plastered tonight, otherwise I have a feeling the bro who's hosting the party's gonna have to scrape 'em off of each other in the morning. - Matty Malaprop

The Doctor's Tool of Choice

Favorite
accessory,double meaning,doctor who,orange juice,screwdriver,sonic,sonic screwdriver,tool,vodka
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Makes sense. Every night I've spent screwing around with this tool has left me Absolutly confused the next morning and wondering Who the hell that person next to me is. - Matty Malaprop

I Think They're Still Upset About the Burnt Rubber...

Favorite
assistance,dinner,double meaning,flat,humans,jack,jeep,lion,lions,name,question,safari,tire,tool
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I'm sure they'd settle for an Axel too, if you can't find any other alternatives. - Matty Malaprop

Maybe You Should Shed That Title...

Favorite
ambition,cut,double meaning,failure,goal,literalism,slang,tool
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I mean, I know in your glory days there was no other soul who could ply like you, but you seem to have gotten a little rusty with age... - Matty Malaprop

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