That's a Lot of Buildup for Such a Little Pun...

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Oh, "Scrubs..." why your network hasn't wiped you from existence yet is utterly beyond me. - Matty Malaprop

Touché, Random Soft-Newsy Blurb

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flaccid,innuendo,p33n,recounting,running joke,security,story,TSA
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And when I say "soft-newsy," I mean WHO WRITES FIRST-NAME ONLY BYLINES LIKE THAT? - Matty Malaprop

'I Lobster But Never Flounder.'

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... I'm just gonna leave this here and go have a massive EMBARRASS over in the corner, thanks. - Matty Malaprop

A Performance From a World Pun Champion

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WAIT. PUN-OFFS ARE REAL THINGS? ALRIGHT I LOVE ALL OF YOU AND I'M SORRY BUT THIS IS THE END BECAUSE I'M RUNNING AWAY TO BECOME A COMPETITIVE PUN-TALKER! - Matty Malaprop

Rupert Always Has to Ruin it for the Rest of Us...

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literalism,the night before christmas,story,stirring,double meaning,mouse
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EVERY. SINGLE. TIME. RUPERT. Why do we even invite you over for Christmas anymore?? - Matty Malaprop