Rupert Always Has to Ruin it for the Rest of Us...

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Rupert Always Has to Ruin it for the Rest of Us...
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EVERY. SINGLE. TIME. RUPERT. Why do we even invite you over for Christmas anymore?? - Matty Malaprop

'I Lobster But Never Flounder.'

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... I'm just gonna leave this here and go have a massive EMBARRASS over in the corner, thanks. - Matty Malaprop

Moses and the Tablets

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Moses and the Tablets
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Maybe the weird-sounding commandments were just victims of Google Translate's imperfections? - Matty Malaprop

Touché, Random Soft-Newsy Blurb

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Touché, Random Soft-Newsy Blurb
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And when I say "soft-newsy," I mean WHO WRITES FIRST-NAME ONLY BYLINES LIKE THAT? - Matty Malaprop