The Only House I Ever Want to Be Sorted Into

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The Only House I Ever Want to Be Sorted Into
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Screw that one house with the badgers. And that one with the griffins. And especially that one with the snakes. This is clearly the best option. - Matty Malaprop

Now I Understand Why Snape Always Seemed So Slimy...

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Now I Understand Why Snape Always Seemed So Slimy...
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Try as you might, you're gonna be hard-pressed to Severus one of those tentacles from you body once he's latched on. - Matty Malaprop

This Car Has a Sweet Spoiler!

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This Car Has a Sweet Spoiler!
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inb4 It's never lupus, Bruce Willis is dead, they don't kill the Batman, etc. - Matty Malaprop

Touché, Harry. Touché.

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Touché, Harry. Touché.
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Only tangentially related, I imagine Alan Rickman crying would be one of the saddest things to witness in the entire world.

Snape-le

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Snape-le
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Drinking it is a great way to help your body defend against the dark arts! - Matty Malaprop