Sadly, this isn't the first time he sat his pants during an important interview... - Matty Malaprop

Given my history with Ikea product assembly, I'm mostly positive I'll never net this gig... - Matty Malaprop

In Flint, Mich., every criminal eventually succumbs to interrogation and leaves the police station as nothing more than tinder to feed the fire of corruption. - Matty Malaprop

Unfortunately Yellow didn't read the fine print, which reminds that you'll immediately regain the weight with every seat you take. - Matty Malaprop

It's a gift, Sal! What are you gonna name him? Oliver? Augustus? Lemmy? - Matty Malaprop