Zippo's Not Down for a Double Header

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Zippo's Not Down for a Double Header
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Try as he might, Match was unable to ignite any kind of interest from Lighter on their first -- and last -- date. - Matty Malaprop

But He Was Born This Way! Lady Gaga Wrote a Song About Him!

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But He Was Born This Way! Lady Gaga Wrote a Song About Him!
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All his life he's been engulfed by the pains of discrimination. In college he tried to start a petition to implement firearm protection into his campus constitution, but alas his campaign failed to ignite any interest. - Matty Malaprop

A Horse With No Name

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A Horse With No Name
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It felt good to be... out-of-office auto-reply? - Matty Malaprop

Some People Just Get No Respect

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Some People Just Get No Respect
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Admit it: You totally thought of the "Pigeon Man" episode of Hey Arnold! after reading this, didn't you? - Matty Malaprop

SMP CLASSIC: Futility, Thy Name is Aged Keyboard

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SMP CLASSIC: Futility, Thy Name is Aged Keyboard
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I guess you're just going to have to learn to control your emotions and find some alt means of coping. - Matty Malaprop

DON'T TELL ME WHAT TO DO!

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DON'T TELL ME WHAT TO DO!
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You're not my real dad, construction crew that put up this sign! - Matty Malaprop