I don't think U.S. whiskey makers are gonna be able to handle what happens if they start a war with their scottish rivals... - Matty Malaprop

Just because he's physically small, that doesn't give you any right to make him feel small! - Matty Malaprop

Seems pretty par for the course for CNN, if you ask me. - Matty Malaprop

Suzanne Collins may have written the novels, but these headlines really just write themselves. - Matty Malaprop