news

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I'm terribly upset by the whole affair, but I know you only told me because you had the (wilde)beest intentions. - Matty Malaprop

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Where would journalism be without puns? Certainly not visiting phallological museums, that's for sure. - Matty Malaprop

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Sure, it's a totally biased program, but with all the sham news on basically every station, I don't mind being shielded from the horrors of diatribes from time to time. - Matty Malaprop

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Just because he's physically small, that doesn't give you any right to make him feel small! - Matty Malaprop

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Suzanne Collins may have written the novels, but these headlines really just write themselves. - Matty Malaprop