If your name is Jennifer Connelly, does that make you an Ass-to-Ass? - Matty Malaprop

They commenters really knocked this perfect pitch out of the park, now didn't they? - Matty Malaprop

Black bear just got burned so hard, he's going to need a winter's worth of hibernation for his creys. - Matty Malaprop

American Idiots: (n) People who actually enjoy all non-'90s music made by Green Day. - Matty Malaprop

Wait... you mean you're NOT normally supposed to deride your significant others until they crey? I've been doing this whole "relationship" thing all wrong then... - Matty Malaprop

Milton Jones shares his punny standup.