Don't believe the Bible; Jesus' greatest miracle was in fact the transformation of water into java. - Matty Malaprop

Robin: He's the sidekick Batman gets right now, but absolutely NOT the sidekick Batman wants. - Matty Malaprop

Sheet happens, you know? - Matty Malaprop

Because clearly the highest quality paper in the world has a grain that points Heavenward at all times. - Matty Malaprop

I, the Archangel Feceskiel, have descended from heaven to s* on your parade. I've never much cared for you Macy's folk, you know. - Matty Malaprop