This Week's Prize Fight: Tyson Ursus Bearhands

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This Week's Prize Fight: Tyson Ursus Bearhands
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Mike Tyson ain't the only fighter who's liable to bite off your ears... - Matty Malaprop

My Favorite Neil Diamond Song

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My Favorite Neil Diamond Song
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Wait... are you trying to tell me that song isn't about delicious pork-based noms? That's just crazy talk! - Matty Malaprop

The Story of a Bluetooth Whale

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The Story of a Bluetooth Whale
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Truly an inspiring story, it was met with critical reception that was almost universally positive. - Matty Malaprop

He Picked Himself Up by His Clawstraps

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He Picked Himself Up by His Clawstraps
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Gotta say, that's a mighty fine lacquer job you did there, bear! - Matty Malaprop

No, Really, They Are! Please Send Help!

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No, Really, They Are! Please Send Help!
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Plus I'm bound by my contract as an employee to remain at my desk unless specifically told otherwise, so I'm afraid I'm of no use to you at this moment. - Matty Malaprop