Sentry Going Up...

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Ugh, where is Heavy when you need him? - Matty Malaprop

Maybe Your Content Just Needs a Better Host

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bacterium,double meaning,FAIL,failing,failure,go,going,Hall of Fame,literalism,successful,trying,viral,virus
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Finding stardom on the Internet is difficult. I just hope this newcomer doesn't let his first failures inflame him. - Matty Malaprop

Learning French, the Easy Way

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gone,escargot,literalism,go,homophone,snail,french,suffix,going
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And by "the easy way" I of course mean the wrong way, because everyone knows tenses in French are the purest form of confounding hell and not like they are in English at all. - Matty Malaprop

That's Not Particularly Reassuring...

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added letter,answer,course,f,going,location,of,off,question
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First time he opens his mouth about a white whale, I'm jacking a lifeboat and rowing the hell out of here. - Matty Malaprop