He Must Be in Prison Often Since His Voice Ain't Ever Free

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after,before,behind bars,double meaning,free,Hall of Fame,jail,literalism,Morgan Freeman,not,prison,surname
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... because his voice is lovely, and he's got a talent for narration, and thus he can charge people lots of money to do voiceover work, and so it's not free, since it costs money... - Matty Malaprop

I Want to Go to There

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strips,chicken,chicken strips,literalism,free
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Free chicken strips? Hell yeah! Sign me up! - Matty Malaprop

Such Was His Delivery From Evil

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double meaning,free,guarantee,Hall of Fame,literalism,misinterpretation,pizza,promise
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I think I would have enjoyed this story a bit more if I hadn't been completely sauced when I read it. - Matty Malaprop

Free Stool Samples

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double meaning,free,Hall of Fame,literalism,samples,stool,stool sample,try
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Sometimes the products featured at Costco food kiosks are weird, but this one in particular really takes the cake. - Matty Malaprop