Sleep with one eye open, Inglip. That's the best advice my mother ever gave me. - Matty Malaprop
And if he took a greyhound to Massachusetts, then the End would suddenly be very far. - Matty Malaprop
So you can survive a bite from a radioactive arachnid, but you're afraid of a dinky little spear? WHAT KIND OF PHONY SUPERHERO ARE YOU? - Matty Malaprop
You know what happens with skank mazes like these? They end up pressed against a table underneath a line of pens. #awkwardlyinappropriatewriteups - Matty Malaprop
Yo dawg, I heard you like needless hyper-literal disobedience... - Matty Malaprop
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These Grandparents Are More Savvy Than You Think
The Onion Has a New Series That Makes Fun of Vice
I'M NOT PREPARED FOR THESE KINDS OF DECISIONS!!!
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