A Much-Kneaded Obituary

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A Much-Kneaded Obituary
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I'm not gonna lie... this touching farewell really got a rise out of me. - Matty Malaprop

Seems Like They're Really Getting to the Crust of the Matter

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Seems Like They're Really Getting to the Crust of the Matter
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After reading this groan-worthy pizza puns, I really feel like I could use a margherita. - Matty Malaprop

Where All Kung-Food Masters Go to Train

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Where All Kung-Food Masters Go to Train
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Seriously, all the world's finest samurye train at the bushidough. - Matty Malaprop

That's a Very Exact Amount, IMO

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That's a Very Exact Amount, IMO
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You know, a "whole lot" is just slightly less than a ton, but still considerably more than "a fair amount." MATHEMATICS! - Matty Malaprop

This Whole Post is Going to be One Cheap Trick

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This Whole Post is Going to be One Cheap Trick
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I want you to want me / I need you to knead me / I'd love you to loaf me / I'm begging you to bake me / I want you to want me / I need you to knead me / I'd love you to loaf me / I'll shine up a rolling pin / lay out a fresh-washed pan / I'll wait for you after work if you say that you'll loaf me / Didn't you, didn't you, didn't you see me risin'? / Didn't you, didn't you, didn't you see me risin'? / Hoping to god you won't be usin' that stove for fryin' / Didn't you, didn't you, didn't you see me risin'? ♪ - Matty Malaprop