I know life feels so hard right now, but I promise it'll get better! You'll persevere and then everyone will know will be green with envy over your accomplishments! - Matty Malaprop

The text says: "Some people might think you're cookie / donut listen." What I want to know is WHAT THE HELL KIND OF A RANSOM MESSAGE IS THAT?? - Matty Malaprop

Yo dawg, I heard you like needless hyper-literal disobedience... - Matty Malaprop

Ugh, this pun is a total snooze if you ask me. - Matty Malaprop

Apologies for what must logically follow... #Obligatory - Matty Malaprop

... but what about slightly skeptical ones? Are those okay to click? - Matty Malaprop

I hate to break it to you, Mr. Doodle-Guy, but you probably brought those bedroom eyes upon yourself. There are steps you can take to prevent such things, you know... - Matty Malaprop