Not sure if dark comedy or darkest, most soul-devouring comedy of all time... - Matty Malaprop

Why do you want to start your morning without a lil' bit of the Nic? He just doesn't understand why you would want to do such a thing... - Matty Malaprop

Punmaster Matt says: "A friend asked me to turn him into a meme..."

Well, it's no epic sax guy, but I guess it'll do in a pinch. - Matty Malaprop

I'm sure they'll be more than happy to phile a report about the neighborhood's latest creepy pedostrian. - Matty Malaprop

Looks like somebody's gonna be Barackin' and rollin' all night... - Matty Malaprop

Want more political funny? It's cooking over at Pundit Kitchen!

I just... I don't... excuse me while I go vomit. - Matty Malaprop

And here I thought it was just circuitry and other electronic thingamajigs I don't understand... - Matty Malaprop