I'll settle for this, I guess. State-dependent memory dictates that I can only function while drunk, so at least taking a few sips of this will help the lightbulb come back on... - Matty Malaprop
Or maybe they just mixed it all with Red Bull in order to give it wings? - Matty Malaprop
They always get so upset when their booze comes to them in a Ballet! I've always preferred my swill on Flamenco, but at least I know how to compromise! - Matty Malaprop
The One and Only Jeopardy Contestant to Truly Understand ...
And That's Why You Don't Kick a Man While He's Down
Friday Afternoons Can Be Really Tough at Work
A BART Employee Reaches New Levels of Laziness
It Seemed Like Just Another College Snapchat Story, Then ...
An Alternative Method
Why Don't These 8 Objects Exist in The Real World?
Some Kids Are Evil Geniuses
Photobombing Like a Wrecking Ball
Being an Anime Character IRL Would Be Hideously Uncool
Pick Your Site Name
Tell me more