... And Then What?

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... And Then What?
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I'll tell you the rest of the joke in a minute, I promise, but I need to get over the hurdle that is the lead in first. - Matty Malaprop

Tip Your Waitress, Etc.

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Tip Your Waitress, Etc.
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He then proceeded to ask for some mixed nuts for his walk back to his apartment, but the bartender just shook his head. "Sorry sir, we can't do that either. They're on the house." - Matty Malaprop

'The Best Joke Ever!' (?)

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Note the quotes in my headline. That's the title of this video. I think these two have a wildly different opinion than myself re: the meaning of "best." - Matty Malaprop

Hold the Scotch, She's Watching Her Weight

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Hold the Scotch, She's Watching Her Weight
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And besides, it's never a bad idea to moderate your drinking when you're a diabetic. - Matty Malaprop

WHY ISN'T THIS A REAL THING WHYYYYYYYY

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WHY ISN'T THIS A REAL THING WHYYYYYYYY
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Any chance I have any readers who work at major food corporations? I NEED this to exist IRL, and I need it NOW. - Matty Malaprop