Do you think if I shatter a Maroon 5 CD like a Jäger bottle, I'll wake up hungover and realize the existence of that song was just a bad, drunk dream? Fingers and liver crossed... - Matty Malaprop

Unrelated to this joke: Why don't more people use the phrase "I reckon" nowadays? It's just so fun to say! - Matty Malaprop

And besides, it's never a bad idea to moderate your drinking when you're a diabetic. - Matty Malaprop

IT'S FUNNY BECAUSE HIS NAME IS BENDER SEE LOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOL #KillMeNowPlease - Matty Malaprop

Funny, I see two bottles of vodka, and my crippling fear of ladders just magically vanishes! - Matty Malaprop