I still maintain (as I have since the age of 11) that The Red Badger of Courage would have been an infinitely better book than its actually-existing counterpart. - Matty Malaprop

Before you even ask; yes, he high-fived first. - Matty Malaprop

Good thing this rendezvous wasn't a race, otherwise he'd have been thoroughly creamed by all of his friends! - Matty Malaprop

Thank you, Simpsons, for all your many years of apt and appropriate cultural impropriety. - Matty Malaprop

With hands as plucky as his, it's a wonder he was ever able to scribble a signature at all! - Matty Malaprop

I'm not a huge fan, but that's probably because I can't get accustomed to the taste that comes from coffee brewed in Pepper Potts. - Matty Malaprop

No one ever said the puns I put on this site ever had to make any sense... but maybe they should have, because clearly I'm fond of things like this. - Matty Malaprop