He's Gone Off the Grid!

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cannot,chrome,FAIL,find,google,question,search,search results,waldo,wheres waldo
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Looks like Waldo must have deleted his Facebook. And his LinkedIn. And his Myspace. And his MobileMe... and his Twitter... and... - Matty Malaprop

I'll Falcon Kick You in the FACE for Not Knowing How to Spell Falcon!

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double meaning,FAIL,falcon kick,falcons,football,kicking,literalism,team
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... and then I'll falcon punch you, and falcon uppercut you and a whole manner of other falcon-related things, just because you added that stupid L. THIS IS YOUR FOLLY! - Matty Malaprop

He Clearly Didn't Understand the Gravity of the Situation

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air,double meaning,drag,FAIL,insensitive,parachute,pressure,resistance,science,skydiving,too soon,wind
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Look on the bright side though; it's not like he did anything other than accelerate the inevitable! - Matty Malaprop

Zippo's Not Down for a Double Header

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double meaning,FAIL,idiom,lighter,literalism,lolwut,match,no,zippo
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Try as he might, Match was unable to ignite any kind of interest from Lighter on their first -- and last -- date. - Matty Malaprop