soldier

IMAGINATION depending on how it's used, it may or may not land you in the psych ward

SOON

DON'T WORRY I've got this

THAT WHICH DOES NOT KILL ME Makes me all like, "Whoa, that was close!"

I USED TO BE A SOLDIER IN AFGHANISTAN but then I took a lance to the knee

BEING OLD it's a serious crime

TEETH Goodbye.

GOING COMMANDO you're doing it wrong

MISSION ACCOMPLISHED

MAKE-A-WISH FOUNDATION

THIS GUY is ready for the zombie apocalypse.

ANGRY GRANDMA Soldier, prepare to meet your maker.

PUPPIES Great for picking up chicks and distracting insurgents.

MOUNTING A CAMEL you're doing it wrong