your brain on cracked

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In the real world, most trade policies and financial systems are built by economists or businessmen or dudes on r/wallstreetbets who have some sort of training or expertise in that area. In movies like Star Wars, Harry Potter, and John Wick, it's all designed by people who mostly have training in explosions and expertise in booby scenes. And… it shows. Today, "Doctor" Jordan Breeding and Your Brain On Cracked return to make sense of the movie monies. 

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Movies are really fun as long as you don't stop and smell the civilian casualties or take stock of how many fish Aquaman sends to their deaths or how many people Spider-Man lets get obliterated by a crane or how Ready Player One's Wade Watts is even less cool than we think. "Doctor" Jordan Breeding returns this week to point out all sorts of little depressing details that were snuck into movies that you probably never noticed!

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Superhero movies are here to stay and so, apparently, are their super strange tropes like superwomen smiling after being punched, "serious" superhero films taking place in insane asylums, and longing for some romance always leading to a loss of superpowers. "Doctor" Jordan Breeding is technically out this week, but thankfully The Incredible Spider-Professor Angry Hands Hammer Man is here to save the day!
 

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Presumably, every single writer in Hollywood was at some point in time a teenager. At the very least, they probably inject themselves with teenage blood in order to keep their organs strong and their skin moist. So how in the world do they know nothing about them? Thankfully, "Doctor" Jordan Breeding is oft accused of having a teenage sense of humor, so join him as he tears apart teenage movie tropes that have no grounding in reality.

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Did Obi-Wan WANT Padme and Anakin to get together in Star Wars? Was John Connor encouraging Kyle Reese to get with his mom in Terminator? Should Passengers have given Chris Pratt and Jennifer Lawrence an entirely different ending? "Doctor" Jordan Breeding slips into something a bit more comfortable to take a deeply embarrassing look at some of film's most deeply disturbing romantic couples. So grab a glass of something bubbly, and start your Valentine's Day Weekend the right way.