Jealous partners are one of the most common tropes when we discuss toxic relationships and bad partners. There are the jealous types who are controlling and don't want their lovers to have any friendships or relationships other than the romantic partnership they're already in. There are the types who behave like conspiracy theorists, convinced that when you don't text back you MUST be in someone else's DMs. There are also the ones who stalk, combing over their partner's internet presence lookin…

Listen, mister; these memes are good little memes . I promise they won't bother you at all. If you ask each of these memes the same questions in different rooms, they will all give you the same answer. That's how good these young whippersnappers are. These memes have never gotten into trouble before! If you leave them alone, I'll go home and give them a good talking to, you'll see. Please don't search the meme shed. I promise, there's nothing in there! Take it from me, an old geezer. I know whe…

Intelligence is fluid, and baby, my brain is extremely dry right now. I find it extremely funny when adults go around touting their high IQ scores from tests they took as prepubescent boy geniuses. I honestly believe there is no such thing as static, unchanging intellect. Being smart is something that you work at every day for your entire life, and as my Lyft driver from last Thursday said, “if you don't use it, you lose it.” The constant

Lots of parents like to brag about how smart their children are. These parents are all over Twitter, spouting dubious claims about their children's intelligence, their IQs, and even jotting down full quotes to impress netizens with their offspring. One of the best examples has got to be the one from @hinxminx, which before its deletion, read as follows: “'Everyone dies one day. Everyone. Even wolves. But not books. Not words. Words don't die.” - my son, 3, who is a lot smarter than I am ' Prett…

As far as I can remember, I was a pretty easy kid to parent. All I wanted to do was to do good by the adults in my life, which, shockingly, doesn't make me the most rebellious kid. There are always exceptions to the “easy child” rule, and mine was during Christmastime of my 4th-grade year. I was hearing some rumblings at school about the realness of certain Christmas icons. I felt so angry at these rumors that I went to my dad several times and said, “everyone at school says Santa isn't real, b…

The phenomenon of incels taking to the internet to air out their unhinged frustration toward women is nothing new. At this point in time, it's pretty much expected. It feels as though there's always some dude lurking behind a Twitter or Reddit corner, waiting to explain some intellectual subject to a woman who a) doesn't know who this dude is and b) really, really doesn't want to hear it. It's often under the guise of connection. And it usually results in rejection. And sometimes, after being r…

Greetings, fellow internet travelers. Hope you all had a better weekend than I did, stuck inside experiencing the absolute hell of Covid-19. I thought I'd be able to use this time to enjoy, well, being alone. But I was wrong. The four walls of my room have proven to be oppressive, and the selection of shows to stream that might actually be good has been growing much, much smaller. I'm usually happy to be horizontal for most of the weekend, cooking up something delicious and letting this brain r…

Growing up my foodie Dad had a huge section of his bookcase that was dedicated to cookbooks. I'd be able to rifle through books about indigenous Colombian cuisine, classic French cookbooks, and gorgeously photographed tomes of food from the Levant. I did notice, however, that he rarely, if ever, used these books. It turns out my parents needed that section not because my dad loves cookbooks, but because people love giving them to him. I wonder what would happen if they bothered to ask what he w…

Let's face it: Not every tweet is going to be a good one. In fact, we'd argue that most tweets willed into existence should never have been composed at all. Thanks to Elon Musk's cringey quest for what he refers to as “free speech,” there's more stupidity on Twitter than ever before. Not everyone has the immense shame and insecurity that I do - a shame that results in a drafts folder

We are living in the golden age of comedy murder mysteries with an ensemble cast . Particularly the Knives Out cinematic universe and the HBO series, The White Lotus . It seems like everyone wants these movies and shows (respectively) to go on forever with an ever-rotating cast of characters, keeping Daniel Craig and Jennifer Coolidge employed forever. I definitely have some opinions about who I'd like to stay at a White Lotus location next. My list includes, but is not limited to, Patti Harris…

As Mrs. Peacock once said, “Well, someone's got to break the ice, and it might as well be me. I mean, I'm used to looking through memes; it's part of my husband's work. And it's always difficult when a group of new friends meet (to scroll through 30 hilarious images) together for the first time to get acquainted. So I'm perfectly prepared to start the ball rolling. I could start reading the memes out loud if you'd like. Or perhaps, I could pass them around in an orderly fashion. Whatevers going…

Well. It's happened. I've gone and contracted Covid-19 again. It started small - with a little scratch in my throat and a low cough. Every year, without fail, I'll get sick with some flu or sinus matter, and then it always turns into bronchitis. So I thought I was cool. But no. I'm stuck in my room typing away with the piddling amount of strength I have left, fighting off the fever and phlegm. Lovely, right? Anyway. When I'm sick as a dog, most of the joy that is derived from everyday life gets…

Today is the day we've all been waiting for. Today nosy people can finally definitively know what music has been playing in their friends' and acquaintances' headphones over the last 11 months. Today's the day when you remember why you're not paying $9.99 for Apple Music. Today is Spotify Wrapped Release Day. Every year, Spotify gives you stats on all of the abjectly embarrassing music you've been jamming to since January. It tells you your top songs and artists and even curates a playlist of y…

Now that the gluttony and ritual of Thanksgiving have come and gone, 'tis finally the season for indulging in Hallmark Christmas/holiday movies. Now, I understand that many of you may consider the “films” (if you can call them that) a low form of entertainment. But gosh darn it, they are predictable! There are not many tropes that compare when it comes to formulaicity, a

Ah, yes, it's another beautiful day on the incomparable internet. And if we're being completely honest, we are feeling just a little bit demoralized. It is far from easy to be chained to your computer when all the news seems to be negative. There's no way to mince words regarding the defeat we feel about the agony we feel. Going about day-to-day life is extremely difficult when you're trying to make sense of senseless violence, and complete disregard for the state of the planet. Climate change,…

Happy Thanksgiving, parents! Today might not be the most leisurely parenting day of the year, but I believe you all will get through it. You're about to enter prime “threatening your kids with Santa” season, and I support you all the way. Nothing will whip a kid into shape better than their fear of the naughty list.