Hear ye! Hear ye! I be the town crier, and I have news of many merriments! Firstly of all, you are alive and not dead. That is a spectacular feat, considering how the world is during these times. These times can be mid, these times can be evil, and they are beyond capable of being both! Your status as a fully conscious human being is the good news. The bad news is that we are in the cold, cruel midst of a medieval peasant famine. But no need to fret, dear citizens. The king has been gracious en…