“I'm at the Pizza Hut. I'm at the Taco Bell. I'm at the Combination Pizza Hut and Taco Bell.”

On Christmas Day, customers usually have enough shame to not show up at a fast food place. They ask insecure questions about when the company lets the employees go home. When you deliver the sad news that you're working until closing, they retreat to their table to eat their McChicken with embarrassed expressions. Unfortunately, during Thanksgiving, customers have a lot less shame. They find it incredibly quirky to go to Popeyes for Thanksgiving instead of cooking a homemade meal. Working in fa…

These Baja Blast bandits know how to do the dew better than you

We all just trying to live más out here.

I love eating and drinking

Not to be corny, but I have an incredibly corny story about a high school teacher who always told us to “dominate the day.” He was my world history teacher and a football coach, usually a red flag. If you've never been to a school with incompetent coach teachers who were unnecessarily cruel to unathletic children, I'm guessing you're not from the South. This guy was not like that at all, and was really kind to all of the students. He was a super funny guy. I don't know of any other teacher that…

Ready your stomachs

We've got a fresh hot list of memes for one Mr. Rand Om? Is there a Randy Om in the room? Randolph Om, are you present? No? What a waste. Coming up with clever and funny pun names are one of the few instances where I find the art of punning vaguely tolerable. My friends and I keep a list of different pun names we think of and they range from incredible to abominable: Collin Response, Jaqueline Turn, Miss Taken Identity, Patty O'Furniture, Heather Interior, Cathy Lick. The list goes on and on. P…

Tacos are life.

Being on Twitter in 2018 could be a painful experience for various reasons, but none more painful than the never-ending onslaught of brands trying to be funny. You really had to be there, but if you weren't, you are one of the lucky ones. Twitter brands would try to start beef with each other, form alliances with each other, and generally try to get attention. The most popular corporate Twitter was Wendys, but there were a lot of imitators trying to claim the title of the “weirdest” and “quirki…

Have you ever lied on your resume, saying you were “proficient in Excel?” I have a theory that at least 55% of people who put “proficient in Excel” on their resumes are bold-face liars. Because what is proficiency, really? Proficiency is a journey, not a destination! Do we all just wake up one day and realize that we've crossed the threshold of proficiency

This world is hard on silly memes . Memes filled with a joyous whimsy. Nothing in this world is harder than being a goofy and fun-loving meme. Actually, that's a lie. Though this world is hard on silly men (men filled with a joyous whimsy. Truly, nothing is hard than being a goofy and fun-loving man, ect) silly memes are actually quite common. Even memes that have a depressing edge are still rooted in humor. In some ways, making a hardcore meme is still inherently silly and goofy because you're…

Cheez-Its are my kryptonite. I can make those slightly greasy, salty squares of cheesy goodness disappear in mere minutes. And when I say “those” I mean a whole damn box. Usually when this mindless yet voracious eating occurs, I am under the influence of plant medicine that was recently legalized in New York. And I usually come to regret it. When I'm not regretting ingesting a box's worth of these crackers, I am usually regretting ordering a crap ton of Taco Bell. Like, $20 worth of Taco Bell.…

We love to see people get into a tizzy over astrological memes and designations, so you can imagine our delight at coming across this Facebook post from Mela Golden's page assigning the signs of the zodiac to popular fast food restaurant chains. It's hard not to be opinionated where these restaurants are concerned: they're (usually) pretty affordable and accessible, so a huge percentage of the population has developed a preference (and sometimes hatred) for these establishments. For example, wh…

Get a life

If you're wondering what happens when you eat Taco Bell everyday, this man is bringing you some answers. He's redefining living más.