request

I know life feels so hard right now, but I promise it'll get better! You'll persevere and then everyone will know will be green with envy over your accomplishments! - Matty Malaprop

To be fair, that's a very large ice cube, so at least you'll get some good mileage out of it! - Matty Malaprop

Punmaster genieliz says: "This is our punny kitchen pitchen dating video to get the darling Hannah Hart to date our kiwi kitchen."

GVOY every time I attempt to cook something ever. - Matty Malaprop

Even if the date doesn't go well, at least you're gonna get an awesome filet mignon out of the deal! - Matty Malaprop

Ever since President Obama debuted the White House's home-brewed honey ale, people have been hounding him for the recipe. After a petition on "We The People" failed, a Reddit user decided to submit a request under the Freedom of Information Act. Do you think Obama will do it?

Maybe he's just trying to pony up for his pa, but I really feel like this guy is becoming a foal-fledged nuisance. - Matty Malaprop

You're the only buoy I've ever loved. - Matty Malaprop

"And you know what's the worst part of it, Doc? The worst of it is I save that sniveling little brat every other day it seems, and I've yet to even see a single milkbone for my troubles!" - Matty Malaprop

Y U NO FULFILL REQUEST, SERVER?!

Come on now; everyone knows the only funny vegetable is the potato. - Matty Malaprop

Please, someone, Rule 34 this. Don't post it on this site. Don't e-mail it to me. Just do it please, so that I'll know in the back of my mind that it's been done. - Matty Malaprop

I hate to break it to you, Mr. Doodle-Guy, but you probably brought those bedroom eyes upon yourself. There are steps you can take to prevent such things, you know... - Matty Malaprop

F*ing vowels, HOW DO THEY WORK? - Matty Malaprop