poop

Listen to this song for new ways to say you're "dropping the kids off at the pool." 

"When nature booty calls my phone" is my new personal favorite.

It's even weirder when you see what went into making it. 

I'd still eat it.

As October's shadow loomed long on September, we knew Burger King would bring a black-bunned burger to celebrate the creepy season.

What we didn't know is that eating the thing would turn your poop a vibrant, verdant, lustrous green. Careful there, that link shows actual human waste.

Furthermore, we didn't know why. We only had to hold ourselves against the dark ignorance that blanketed us.

People had lots of speculation, from A-1 sauce to demonic leprechauns, but it was Gizmodo that ultimately revealed the truth.

But while the poop is indisputably green, the dye causing it might not be. The dyes that make the bun black are a combination of Yellow #6, Red #40, Caramel Color, and Blue #1. Blue #1 is also known as Brilliant Blue FCF. Brilliant Blue doesn't absorb well in the intestines, so it often comes out in the poop—it just doesn't come out blue. The internet is full of concerned parents talking about giving their kids a purple drink or smoothie (made with red and blue food coloring) only to change green diapers or find green stains on underwear. Brilliant blue is often combined with tartrazine, a yellow food dye, to make green dye. A site called The Poop Report claims that blue food dye (Blue #5 this time) combines with bile to make poop green, although bile by itself can turn poop green.

In the end, the green product of the black burger is probably the result of blue food coloring. The good news is that it's coming out of you because it's not getting absorbed into your body.

Now we can sleep soundly and try to eat stuff that's not cosmetically dyed to celebrate a time of year.

Hey you, yeah you, your poops are terrible. 

At least according to the folks behind Squatty Potty. Their latest video explains that your stance on the porcelain throne is causing muscle strain in your b-hole region, making for terrible, difficult poops. But(t) apparently, if you squat on the can, you'll make beautiful rainbow soft serve turds. See?

Seems legit.